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I donapos;t know if itapos;s fully sunk in yet. My dad died this morning. I canapos;t believe heapos;s really gone. Itapos;s like heapos;s still here. Then I remember how he looked when I saw him in the hospital bed this morning. It was so horrible. Itapos;s hard. Everyoneapos;s still really shocky about it. He just collapsed and lost consciousness. At least he doesnapos;t have to have another open heart surgery. It would have to have been his fourth major procedure. My mom didnapos;t think he would survive it. Then Monday they were informed that a third major heart valve was leaking like his other two had been. Heapos;d decided he wasnapos;t going to get it replaced so his time was limited anyway. At least we know heapos;s in a better place. Even if God doesnapos;t exist like some people believe heapos;s better than he was. Heapos;s not sick anymore. Itapos;s just really hard. We have to clean up his stuff and move some of it. Weapos;re trying to put things together for the memorial and clean up the house at the same time. Itapos;s just so hard to think heapos;s gone.

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